Our Journey to Becoming Parents...(Part 4)

Nope, not this time! I was shocked. I was alone. I was shaking – not crying – but I was excited! I took a picture and sent it to Barney, the doctor and his wife!! The message I got back from Barney – “not what I was expecting this morning”. The message from Amanda was – “I knew it”! (I knew she did when I talked to her a few days earlier) And the doc called me. He called in a prescription for me to go on progesterone. I got that right away that day. (Oh, and mind you – this was a Saturday…what doctor does THAT on a Saturday - oh, and did you catch that I sent him a picture of the test – yeah, I have his cell number, house number and work number in case I need to ask him stuff any time!! What doctor does that?! Only the best!!) Any way…we still had just over a week until Barney got home. And all the emotions were going full force. Barney was excited! I was excited! The first time on this new method worked!!! Oh, how we were so grateful!! By the time Barney got back from his training – he had researched A LOT about baby stuff and pregnancies. I was impressed. And we had already decided on the names. We were set to move forward!!! The doctor wanted us to come in at about 6 weeks pregnant to double check the time line. We had an ultrasound done to confirm where we were at in the pregnancy. Shortly after Barney got back is when we went in for this. It was right at 6 weeks. On the ultrasound, we only saw the amniotic sac. We were told that you can’t see the baby or the heartbeat until exactly at 6 weeks and if we were off a day or 2, that could be the reason we weren’t seeing it. After the ultra sound, we met with the doctor to go over a few things regarding pregnancy and what I should and shouldn’t be doing. Based on my chart, we figured the due date to be September 18th. He prescribed us progesterone injections that Barney would have to give me twice a week. He wanted to do another ultrasound in the next 2 weeks to see the baby and heartbeat for sure. I got the orders so I could do the ultrasound in Little Falls. I went in on what we figured was about 8 weeks for the ultrasound. And my fears were confirmed. There was no baby. I had what was called a blighted ovum – it’s where the yoke sac develops, but no fetus. I was going to miscarry. I was measuring at 6 weeks and 5 days. The ultrasound tech got my doctor on the phone and we talked about where this pregnancy was headed. He wanted to wait to get my labs back just to see exactly where I was at. When he got those levels he called me back and said that they still showed I was pregnant, so I either JUST lost the pregnancy or that by some miracle we were just way off on our days. He had me come in the following week to have yet another ultrasound and some more blood work. That ultrasound at 9 weeks showed that I was measuring 6 weeks and 2 days and my blood work didn’t look good either. I was going to miscarry for sure. I was in the doctor’s office for about and hour and a half that day. I cried. He let me cry. He told me the stories of all 3 of their miscarriages and what they did with each one to cope. We discussed how to proceed from here and what he would like to do next. We decided that we were going to let nature take it’s course and let the miscarriage happen on it’s own. If it was taking a while, then there is a medication that I was going to take that would help to start the miscarriage. For another week and a half, I was “pregnant” with nothing. I knew I was going to loose it, but yet I hadn’t yet. At 10 ½ weeks, I took the pill that would start the miscarriage. It was Saturday February 23rd when I had my miscarriage. I was glad that it finally happened so we could move on. I was sad that we lost our first chance. I was grateful that we made progress. I was simply a roller coaster of emotions. It took about 45 days until I started a normal cycle again. A couple weeks into it, I met with Amanda again – to get me back on track with charting. It turned out to be a therapy session. I needed it. Going forward, the doc wanted me to try what we were trying again. We did that for a few months, and then in September, the doc thought we could try doing HCG injections. These are supposed to help my hormone levels both before ovulation and after ovulation. That is where we are at now. Next cycle we will go in and take a look at my ovary and uterus. We will double check to make sure there isn’t any scar tissue left from the first pregnancy and we will check my ovary to make sure no cists or anything else is on them. Clomid does, over time, take a toll on your ovaries so that is why we are going to check it out. And with the HCG injections I don’t have to take the clomid any more either. To sum things up – I more or less have deficiencies pre and post ovulation. We have altered them so that the hormone levels are where they should be. The doctor looks and my chart and is baffled by why we don’t get pregnant. I know I still sometimes feel jealousy when others get pregnant, but it’s not to the extremes that it was before. I love kids and have been told over and over that we would be such great parents. I like hearing that to a point, but it always exaggerates the fact that we are childless. Some days we are in great moods, others we, especially me, are so frustrated with it. It’s a tough choice. Do you continue trying? Do you give up and look towards adoption? We’ve hashed out those so many times! Being we have gotten some results with this method we remain hopeful. The doctor is so super encouraging. We aren’t giving up yet. We pray and pray and pray (I pray for twins). And all we ask – is that you pray for us, too.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I had previously written this whole story, so I just copy and pasted it. If you find yourself confused by any part of it, feel free to ask. From here on out, we will update on new methods and tests...and hopefully, one day, actual news of a baby!!