Our Journey to Becoming Parents...(Part 4)

Nope, not this time! I was shocked. I was alone. I was shaking – not crying – but I was excited! I took a picture and sent it to Barney, the doctor and his wife!! The message I got back from Barney – “not what I was expecting this morning”. The message from Amanda was – “I knew it”! (I knew she did when I talked to her a few days earlier) And the doc called me. He called in a prescription for me to go on progesterone. I got that right away that day. (Oh, and mind you – this was a Saturday…what doctor does THAT on a Saturday - oh, and did you catch that I sent him a picture of the test – yeah, I have his cell number, house number and work number in case I need to ask him stuff any time!! What doctor does that?! Only the best!!) Any way…we still had just over a week until Barney got home. And all the emotions were going full force. Barney was excited! I was excited! The first time on this new method worked!!! Oh, how we were so grateful!! By the time Barney got back from his training – he had researched A LOT about baby stuff and pregnancies. I was impressed. And we had already decided on the names. We were set to move forward!!! The doctor wanted us to come in at about 6 weeks pregnant to double check the time line. We had an ultrasound done to confirm where we were at in the pregnancy. Shortly after Barney got back is when we went in for this. It was right at 6 weeks. On the ultrasound, we only saw the amniotic sac. We were told that you can’t see the baby or the heartbeat until exactly at 6 weeks and if we were off a day or 2, that could be the reason we weren’t seeing it. After the ultra sound, we met with the doctor to go over a few things regarding pregnancy and what I should and shouldn’t be doing. Based on my chart, we figured the due date to be September 18th. He prescribed us progesterone injections that Barney would have to give me twice a week. He wanted to do another ultrasound in the next 2 weeks to see the baby and heartbeat for sure. I got the orders so I could do the ultrasound in Little Falls. I went in on what we figured was about 8 weeks for the ultrasound. And my fears were confirmed. There was no baby. I had what was called a blighted ovum – it’s where the yoke sac develops, but no fetus. I was going to miscarry. I was measuring at 6 weeks and 5 days. The ultrasound tech got my doctor on the phone and we talked about where this pregnancy was headed. He wanted to wait to get my labs back just to see exactly where I was at. When he got those levels he called me back and said that they still showed I was pregnant, so I either JUST lost the pregnancy or that by some miracle we were just way off on our days. He had me come in the following week to have yet another ultrasound and some more blood work. That ultrasound at 9 weeks showed that I was measuring 6 weeks and 2 days and my blood work didn’t look good either. I was going to miscarry for sure. I was in the doctor’s office for about and hour and a half that day. I cried. He let me cry. He told me the stories of all 3 of their miscarriages and what they did with each one to cope. We discussed how to proceed from here and what he would like to do next. We decided that we were going to let nature take it’s course and let the miscarriage happen on it’s own. If it was taking a while, then there is a medication that I was going to take that would help to start the miscarriage. For another week and a half, I was “pregnant” with nothing. I knew I was going to loose it, but yet I hadn’t yet. At 10 ½ weeks, I took the pill that would start the miscarriage. It was Saturday February 23rd when I had my miscarriage. I was glad that it finally happened so we could move on. I was sad that we lost our first chance. I was grateful that we made progress. I was simply a roller coaster of emotions. It took about 45 days until I started a normal cycle again. A couple weeks into it, I met with Amanda again – to get me back on track with charting. It turned out to be a therapy session. I needed it. Going forward, the doc wanted me to try what we were trying again. We did that for a few months, and then in September, the doc thought we could try doing HCG injections. These are supposed to help my hormone levels both before ovulation and after ovulation. That is where we are at now. Next cycle we will go in and take a look at my ovary and uterus. We will double check to make sure there isn’t any scar tissue left from the first pregnancy and we will check my ovary to make sure no cists or anything else is on them. Clomid does, over time, take a toll on your ovaries so that is why we are going to check it out. And with the HCG injections I don’t have to take the clomid any more either. To sum things up – I more or less have deficiencies pre and post ovulation. We have altered them so that the hormone levels are where they should be. The doctor looks and my chart and is baffled by why we don’t get pregnant. I know I still sometimes feel jealousy when others get pregnant, but it’s not to the extremes that it was before. I love kids and have been told over and over that we would be such great parents. I like hearing that to a point, but it always exaggerates the fact that we are childless. Some days we are in great moods, others we, especially me, are so frustrated with it. It’s a tough choice. Do you continue trying? Do you give up and look towards adoption? We’ve hashed out those so many times! Being we have gotten some results with this method we remain hopeful. The doctor is so super encouraging. We aren’t giving up yet. We pray and pray and pray (I pray for twins). And all we ask – is that you pray for us, too.

Our Journey to Becoming Parents...(Part 3)

I got in touch with the “teacher” of the charting method. They basically say you need to learn the charting and chart for 6 months before you follow-up with the doctor. I told her out background and she thought maybe being I had been charting in some way over the last 2 years that maybe I’d be able to get in sooner. She suggested we come to an introduction meeting with her to learn what it’s all about. So we did…right away! The middle of October of last year (2012) we started our journey with the teachings of the PPVI Institute. After the intro meeting we talked a little more about our journey. Amanda (the “teacher”) was floored that we had NEVER had any blood work done to check my hormone levels. What?! They do that?! The doctor I had been seeing NEVER mentioned it at all!! She told us that we probably could by pass the 6 month “wait” and make an appointment with the doctor who practices this method – Paul – who happens to be her husband!! So I did. We made the appointment for later in November. That way he could have a full cycle of charting to look at. The first appointment with him I went alone. Oh. My. Gosh!!! The absolute nicest staff EVER!! I’ll never forget what the nurse said when she brought me back. Nurse Lindsay told me that I am going to love working with the doctor and his wife and that in time, we will all be like a big family. She gave me her card and told me that if I ever have questions not to hesitate to call her. I’ve NEVER been told that!! Gosh she was nice!! And then the doctor came in! Exact. Same. Thing!! Extremely understanding and he just made you feel at ease…and hopeful!! He looked at my chart and ordered some blood work. We were really close to the right time of my cycle for him to check my estrogen levels and see if they were where they should be – they need to be in a certain range so that your ovary does what it’s supposed to do and prepare and release an egg. So I had that done and we had another appoint set for later that cycle. This time, I brought Barney with – I told him he just had to meet these people – it’s like they are a different breed – but oh, such and awesome breed they were!! How everything went down during that appointment is kind of foggy to me, but I know I ended up doing more blood work and then we eventually came up with a plan. The numbers showed that my estrogen levels before I “ovulate” weren’t the best and that I probably wasn’t making a viable egg. He put me on – get this – Amoxicillin, Robitussin and Clomid. Amoxicillin and Robitussin?!?! What?! Turns out that they help your body make mucus – and you need mucus to help things flow where they need to flow!! And as stated earlier, the clomid helps you ovulate. I had to take the clomid on days 5-9 of my cycle. Then on days 12 thru 3 days past my ovulation date I had to take the amoxicillin and robitussin. Both Barney and I had a bit of a cold/infection at that time, so he actually told us both to take amoxicillin right away. So that was about the 2nd week of December when we started that program. The doctor had made a small mistake when he ordered my blood work and never got the post ovulation tests taken before – the progesterone tests. So he had that ordered for this cycle and we basically planned to try this route for December and January. And then in February we were going to “not try” and do some other tests. SIDE NOTE: we never try in February – it makes November babies and that would just get in the way of deer hunting – so that is always our OFF month  Anyway. We had a plan…and I was confident and Barney was confident and the doc was confident…and we had rejuvenated our hope!! We made it through the holidays and then beginning of January Barney left again for 2 weeks of training. The timing was perfect!! He shortly after I ovulated and would be back right before I ovulated in the next cycle! Sadly, I got super emotional again when he left – and it was only for 2 weeks this time! I was upset that he was gone, that it was cold and then his other sister was going to find out what she was having the day after he left. So far, there have been only boys on my side of the family and Barney’s other sister already had one boy and was going to be having another. I was sure that Alicia was going to be having a girl…and I was sooo upset about it. I wanted to have the first girl in the worst way ever!! I never wanted girls – I had always wanted 5 boys…until one day, Barney made a statement – “No, you need a girl – who are you gonna share all your pretties with?” Point. Made. He was right I needed a girl…in fact – I think I wanted like 5 girls!! Anyway, so yes, I was nervous his little sister was going to be having a girl. And I was soo emotional!! Then it started to dawn on me. I was super emotional; I had noticed very slight spotting here and there the last couple days. I had a phone meeting with Amanda to discuss for charting. I told her how I felt and where I was at in my cycle. I was nearing then end. I was soo fishing for her to tell me she thought I was pregnant. But she didn’t. The next day, I nearly cried when brother Jo told me he wasn’t going to be coming to spend the weekend with me. The following day (Friday) I had already taken that day off from work. Barney called me that morning. He didn’t know that I had taken the day off. But as soon as I heard his voice that morning…all I could do was cry. He was confused at my feelings. But we got thru the conversation. Oh – back track – Barney’s sister found out she was having a boy – relief!! I don’t remember what I did that day, but I remember the next day – first thing I did was check my temp that morning (temping is a different method of charting that I had kinda have done in the past – higher temps at the end of your cycle mean your new cycle isn’t going to start yet – if the temp is lower – more than likely THAT DAY the new cycle will start). My temp was higher than normal. Next thing I did – totally out of the blue – was take a pregnancy test. Like all other ones I have taken in the past – I was certain it was negative.

Our Journey to Becoming Parents…(Part 2)

We went back in for one more appointment to talk about what our options were. Barney’s numbers weren’t perfect, but doable. And the doc said I was fine too – cause the hysterosalpingogram showed that I was. I asked the doctor if there were any other problems that I could have that would be causing our fertility issues. Being I’ve had thyroid issues, I was leery that maybe something chemically in me was not correct. The doc assured me that being I was under the age of 30 that there was absolutely nothing else wrong with me. HOWEVER, he still wanted to schedule us for an insemination and said that was our best move at this point. WHAT?! I’m fine, Barney’s ok but yet we have to try insemination?! We left, unsure of our thoughts that day. We weren’t feeling ready to go that route. The doctor had prescribed us clomid for when we do decide to go that route. After some thinking and more research on my own, I thought that maybe we could just try the clomid alone for a few months. Clomid is a medication that helps your body to ovulate. I called back to the doctor’s office and ran my thoughts passed his nurse. She was going to get in touch with the doctor and see what his thoughts were. She got back to me and said that the doctor says that clomid only works if you have “other” problems – of which I don’t have. I was in total disagreement with them and eventually I got the doctor to okay it…even though he didn’t seem to thrilled about it. Over the next 3 months we tried the clomid. Nothing was happening. But the longer I thought about how everything went with the OBGYN here in town, the more I didn’t think that was our only option. We kind of just thought about things at this point. By this time, I had learned to cope when our friends and family had news they were expecting. We tried all different things: different vitamins, different ways of charting and nearly every other way you could do on your own…we tried it. In late July/Early August of 2012, after hearing the news that my sister-in-law was pregnant again, I broke down again. It was news that came RIGHT before Barney left for 6 weeks for his Warrant Officer training. And let me tell you – that was rough. I was super emotional and I was alone – with no one here to hold me and work this through with me. When those 6 weeks were over, we made a date weekend and decided we would do some deeper research on other doctors and facilities we could try. We knew for sure at this point that we didn’t want to do the insemination – I wasn’t a fan of how the process went – embarrassed would be a good way to describe my feelings on that – and it isn’t right in the eyes of our church…and that was something else I was really struggling with. During our date weekend we found yet another “fertility” vitamin to try – one kind for each of us. We ordered those up and we researched different facilities that helped with fertility issues. We had decided that we were going to get in touch with the new Lakewood Health Systems clinics and their OBGYN’s. We read that they had success dealing with infertility. I had an appointment set for deer hunting weekend at the Lakewood Health Systems place – we drive right past it on our way to deer camp so we thought that would be a good idea. Before that appointment came up - our saving grace came out of the blue. In a conversation with Barney’s sister (the pregnant one – actually, by this time, they were both pregnant – and I was distraught) any way – I had a conversation with Tiff, and we never really talked much about our fertility issues, but she asked me in a round about way where we were on our journey and I finally opened up A LOT to her. She had told me about this place in Omaha. When they lived there they heard so many stories about people who had fertility issues and then would go to this Pope Paul IV clinic and practically be cured!! And, AND to top it off – it was ALL practices that were ok in the eyes of the Catholic Church!!!!! Wheels in my head were turning and I was thinking – Omaha’s not really that far…we could check it out!!! I started doing some on-line research about what we had to do to get there – and a miracle happened!!!! Turns out, they had a charting teacher AND a doctor that practiced and taught the Creighton Model Fertility System and used NaPro technology (this are the methods developed at the PPVI Institute) RIGHT IN ALEXANDRIA!!!! Uhh…hello…Alexandria is only and hour away…not 8!!! SCORE!!!!

Our Journey to Becoming Parents…(Part 1)

Before we were married, we learned the Billings Ovulation method of charting to achieve or avoid pregnancy. We had kinda discussed having children – we knew we wanted them it was just a matter of when. Barney had kinda wanted to wait about a year before we started trying. I, more or less, would start as soon as he said ok…if not sooner!! The main thing was – we knew we wanted them and we knew we wanted a lot of them! It worked out, that I was ovulating about the time of our wedding and honey moon. During our first dance, we discussed what we were going to do – wait it out until after the honeymoon, or just go with it and what will be will be. We decided on the later. 2 days into our honeymoon, we were sitting in one of the parks at Disney World waiting for a laser show to start. We weren’t really talking much, just kinda soaking it all in. I don’t remember who brought it up, but one of us asked the other what we were thinking about – turns out…we were both thinking about Baby Disney and that we actually wanted it to happen right away. I know for a fact, I really really wanted Baby Disney to happen. Turns out – that wouldn’t happen - nor would it the next month, or the next month or yet, then next month. Then came Christmas and oh, how I dreamed of being able to tell people at Christmas!! What happened was worse, at least at the time, that’s what I felt like. My sister-in-law announced at Christmas that she was expecting the first grandchild the following July. And as we were happy for her and her husband, I couldn’t help but feel oh so jealous and envious…and just plan sad. I fought to hold back tears and try and make the rest of the holiday fun. Time when on and I didn’t feel as much jealousy, but I still wanted to be able to announce our own pregnancy in the worst way!! January thru April passed by with absolutely no luck. In April, my sister-in-law went into early labor and was hospitalized. She was in the hospital for quit a while on bed rest – just as they were getting ready to discharge to go home on bed rest she went into labor and there was no stopping her. Baby Aidan was born premature on May 8th that year. He had a long road ahead of him – they all did. But yet again, I found myself filling with more jealousy. May 8th would have been roughly the due date for Baby Disney and all the emotions came flooding back. Later that month, I talked to my doctor again. I remember sitting in her office and crying and crying…she knew I hurt and that I wanted it so bad -and so started our very first “assistance” on this journey. She prescribed me Metformin – it’s typically a diabetic drug, but studies proved that it helps people regulate their cycles and increases the chances of becoming pregnant. I was on that the rest of the summer. Before we left on our first anniversary trip, we had appointment with the OBGYN in Little Falls to see if he had more ideas for us. It had been a whole year and no results. In all the research I found, they all suggested waiting a year before seeing someone for more answers…so that what we did. The OBGYN had told us that Metformin does nothing to help women get pregnant and he advised that I quit taking it as it is of no use to me. He didn’t want to look at my chart. He wanted to know if I had regular cycles – which I did. He scheduled a hysterosalpingogram for me and advised that Barney also got his numbers checked. A couple weeks later I went in for that hysterosalpingogram. It’s a test where they put you under live x-ray and inject a die into your uterus and fallopian tubes to make sure you are anatomically correct and that your tubes are open stuff flows thru them correctly. And let me tell you…this is PAINFUL!!! It’s like having the worst cramps of your life and then magnify that by a billion!! Results from the test showed that I was fairly normal – I didn’t have a left ovary or fallopian tube, but the doc COULD have figured that out by reading my chart…not pushing the dye extra hard to see if I did or not. But the uterus and the right tube looked good and things worked right. They claim that after having that procedure done, the odds of getting pregnant in the 3 months after that increase…just because it help clear up and little stuff…that’s what they say and that’s what we were hoping for.